June is Men’s Health Month. And while mental health is an important part of our overall health, among men, it often goes undiscussed. There are many reasons why – it feels risky to be vulnerable or we don’t think talking about it will help. As cliché as it might sound to many of us, it is okay to not be okay. It’s time that we, as men, start talking openly about our mental health.
We’re taught from a young age that when something is wrong, we should shake it off, rub some dirt on it and get back out there. We are socialized to not be vulnerable or show – let alone talk – about our emotions. So how do we begin to reverse this generations-old idea that vulnerability and masculinity cannot co-exist?
Open conversations about mental health with men is one way to get started. It is encouraging to see some men taking conversations about mental health out of the shadows and into the spotlight. Take Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for example. He has been open about his decades-long battle with his mental health and seeking help for depression. Many of us would consider The Rock to be the picture of masculinity. But he is also an advocate for asking for help when you need it, saying that men “fall into this trap of being really adverse to vulnerability, because we always want to be strong and feel like we can take on the world.” The Rock called being able to ask for help “our superpower.”
If The Rock can talk openly about mental health, so can we. And those conversations can shed light on why men may experience mental health challenges.
There are many reasons why we might experience a mental health challenge, especially as we age. As we move toward retirement, life changes in a major way. For many of us, a big part of our identity is tied to our career. When our careers end, we can lose our sense of purpose and our social connections that are essential for our mental health.
Middle-aged men experience some of the highest rates of suicide in the U.S. But there are protective factors that can reduce that risk. That includes undergoing depression screenings and suicide risk assessments during yearly primary care visits. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a mental health professional, talking to your primary care doctor about mental health symptoms can be a great place to start. If that feels uncomfortable, consider talking to a faith leader.
There are also things that we can do every day to invest in our mental health. Something as simple as arranging a weekly round of golf or a book study with our buddies can do wonders for our mental health. That sense of connection and routine can give us a reason to get up in the
morning. It’s also important to have a sense of purpose. For many of us, that sense of purpose is tied to work and family. But as we age, it can begin to change or fade. When we find a project or cause to contribute to, it can help us feel like we are contributing to something in a meaningful way.
While it might feel risky to open up about mental health, asking for help is a sign of strength. (The Rock himself said so.) When we are mentally healthy, we can show up more fully for the people who are important to us. And we can also be an example for other men by talking about our struggles and seeking help when we need it.
Caring for the Men in your Life
You can help look out for the men in your life – whether that’s a partner, friend or a colleague. · Know the warning signs. It’s important to be able to recognize the warning signs that might indicate someone is experiencing a mental health challenge. These can include changes in mood and sleep patterns, changes in work performance, alcohol and/or drug misuse and risky behaviors.
· Check in regularly. Make it a point to reach out and ask how they’re doing and what is on their mind. You never know when you might intervene at a critical moment.
· Ask about access to guns. If you are worried that someone might be dealing with a mental health challenge, ask if they have access to guns and work with them to safely store or remove them.
· Ask directly about suicide. If you think someone might be thinking about suicide, always ask the question directly – “Are you thinking about suicide or hurting yourself?” This will not put the idea in their head or make them more likely to attempt suicide. It will actually do the opposite and serve as a protective factor.
· Help them connect to mental health resources. If someone opens up to you about a mental health challenge, you can support them by connecting them to mental health resources. Help them find their local community mental health center in Kansas City. You can also encourage them to reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or the Veterans Crisis Line (call 1-800-273-8255, then press 1).